Today I’m sharing some funny things about my mom. She is a one-of-a-kind, loving, giving, southern, christian woman! Full of life, fun, and loves to sing all the time, but she will also tell you off in a hot second. She is the true definition of a spit fire.
Most people will not come into contact with that side of her. In her words “I’ll be good as long as you let me.”
Some of the stories I am going to share today seem a little far fetched or unbelievable but I can guarantee this is 100% true!
Here she is:
Life Rules of MY Mother
1. Don’t have your cell phone or any electronic device out or near her when she is holding her credit or debit card.
She once snatched a random girl’s phone out of her hand to check and make sure she wasn’t trying to steal her personal information by taking a photo of her card.
My Advice: Don’t stand too close to her and you’ll be safe.
2. The only relationship you can have with her purse is if you hand it to her–but only at her request. No one is permitted to open the purse, look in the purse and definitely not touch any of the purse contents. And the purse goes wherever she is.
Because of this rule, I have not ever looked inside her purse and I refrain from getting anything out of other people’s purses, even if they tell me to. My sister has also developed this level of purse respect in her own home as her husband knows not touch her purse. Also, she will not go to bed without her purse being in the room with her.
3. Dress code is strictly enforced in my mother’s presence. Modesty is her policy. No short shorts, skirts, dresses. No low cut shirts, skirts, dresses.
This is no lie. A few months ago I visited my parents and my mother asked if she could show me something and took me in the bathroom. She asked me to put on an under the shirt mock cami that hooks to your bra, and provides extra coverage. No lie. To my defense my shirt was not low cut, but when I was sitting down and she was standing behind me, she could see down my shirt. Apparently even I have not learned this rule yet.
When I looked up what the exact product was called, I found this must be a serious problem because when I googled “cleavage covering under the shirt,” there were 13.7 million results. HELLO!
If you feel you should carry this item with you as you are a dress code enforcer, it’s called: Cami Secret and they are available at local retailers, including Toys R Us!
This is what it looks like:
4. Be polite and greet all people you come into contact with. But be suspicious of ulterior motives if they reciprocate and are “too nice.”
She is really sweet, but she has a natural distrust of strangers. This does not stop her from striking up conversation with people she doesn’t know in stores or restaurants though. I do have examples, but I don’t want anyone reading this to think it’s about them.
5. Don’t waste her time. But it’s okay for her to waste your time.
If I call her and she’s busy, I’m not surprised if she abruptly disconnects the call. However if she calls me–even when I’m at work, she expects me to drop what I’m doing. If I’m working and tell her I’m busy, she will oblige with a return call, but if I’m at home and I say “Mom, someone’s calling me, can I call you back?” She will talk until the other line stops ringing. I believe she feels that birthing me, raising me and paying all my expenses while growing up and giving gifts is enough to give her the ultimate priority. And she’s not wrong!
6. Read your bible and pray several times a day—for everyone you know—everyday. And spend a lot of time developing your spiritual growth.
She watches a lot of christian TV and anytime she sees a program with information that she feels will help me, she will call and advise me to watch the program. She says “I know you are an internet whiz and can find this online.” She has also been known to make us watch a TV program when she comes over to visit. And she also DVR’s certain things for us to watch when we go to her house.
7. Absolutely no cussing.
She always says she heard enough profanity from her father to last her a lifetime. If a coworker curses a lot in her presence she will “walk off and leave them talking.” This also limits the movies she watches; mostly no rated R movies. And if she’s fit to be tied and wants to use a harsh word she will say “excuse me” and then proceed to cuss by saying “What in the hell?” I am pretty sure that “hell” is the worst word I have ever heard her say! Words that are commonly used and not considered curse words by most yet she frowns on using: bastard, bass-ackwards, and pissed off. “Crap” however is an acceptable expletive.
If you want to hear me talk about her more, earlier this year I shared some funny stories in my church’s women’s group.
Here’s the link to the video: Tickled Pink Event
I will be sure to share some more Mrs. Minnie stories in the future. She is an unlimited wealth of humor!
What do your parents do that are natural to them but funny to others?